goodbye.

so, i was going to say 'bye' to my original book cover, but apparently i've said the same to my usb stick with the picture on it.

one more thing to mourn. a lot of work is on that thing...
at least i save in a lot of places, but there's some stuff i can't get back...

while searching for the picture, i found this::

my amazing garden.
this was taken last summer. it looked ever better this year.
but i moved and no one cared enough to take care of it. dead dogwood, dead rhodendron, dead herbs, i bet my calla lilies are even dead by now.
dead, dead, dead.
makes me sad.

what was i thinking?? (not a title -- a real question.)

i want to speak
share
i only have so many chances

but my mouth
won't open
my brain freezes
what's wrong with me?

self-fulfilling prophecy

i want to be happy
but know that
i can't be.
not yet.
so i'm not even able
to try
i can't even
try to try

expectation/love/hope
the door opens
and they disappear.
out of nowhere,
for no reason
my mouth shuts
and my eyes open
to let the tears out

- 31.1.03

troubled thoughts

i've got 'em.

and the self esteem to match.

1980's memories

do you remember this movie?

oh, i freaking loved it!!

i'm so buying it on ebay. yay!!!

i think i might buy my sis a copy, too.

we lived for 'scary movies' when we were little...

happy day =)

jeans and a T

just lying around and relaxing on a rainy day
lovin' the occasional sunlight through the window

'i don't get some things about you'

my best friend in college told me this one time. she wasn't being mean when she said it, but...
i remember it perfectly. i had shown her a picture of keri russell drinking a beer. it went along with her joke about going on david letterman. beforehand, she'd taken a couple shots of tequila or jager or something of the sort.

i liked the picture because 1) keri russell is beautiful, and a) it was a joke of sorts. she likes (or liked--this was about ten years ago) her liquor.
was the picture interesting without the story? no.
but knowing why the photo was taken made it mean something.

this is what i love and this is what i do.

i see pictures, paintings, photographs--what have you, and a story magically develops in my mind. (interestingly enough, i only recently put two and two together...)
for example, last night before i went to bed (ok, this morning ;), i posted this on my other blogspot. it doesn't quite fit there except i was able to weave something about writing in there.. the day before, i posted this about marilyn monroe. again, i made it go along with writing, well reading actually, but...it just doesn't fit there that well.

that page is more personal than my main site, but it still needs to be about writing.

so here we are. this is my blog for me.

it might be a little crazy at times and, most people (like my college friend) probably won't get it, but i'm just looking for an outlet. this is it.

we'll see what i end up posting...

but for now::