what was i thinking?? (not a title -- a real question.)

i want to speak
share
i only have so many chances

but my mouth
won't open
my brain freezes
what's wrong with me?

self-fulfilling prophecy

i want to be happy
but know that
i can't be.
not yet.
so i'm not even able
to try
i can't even
try to try

expectation/love/hope
the door opens
and they disappear.
out of nowhere,
for no reason
my mouth shuts
and my eyes open
to let the tears out

- 31.1.03